Sex and the Digital Gadget Guy

Sex and the Digital Gadget Guy

Submitted by Scott Goldberg on October 17, 2006 – 1:24pm.
iPod KissFiguring out how to meet a girl is one of the three biggest challenges a man faces in his life, and if the amount of time spent thinking about girls is added up…well, let's just say we spend a lot of time on the subject. Jonathan Abrams, the founder of Friendster, apparently had difficulty with it himself. "Basically," said Mark J. Pincus, a seed investor of Friendster, in the New York Times, "Jonathan wanted to meet girls." And as if that didn't sell poor Jonathan down the river enough, Pincus added, "He told me himself, he started Friendster as a way to surf through his friends' address books for good-looking girls."

[Millennial Modes, a weekly column that covers the trends, attitudes, and tastes of the millennial generation is made possible by Cdigix.]

It seems the tools of the Peeping Tom have really evolved. The guy couldn't sit in the trees with binoculars anymore. It was too inefficient, too physically cumbersome, so he became greedy. He wanted to see more. He wanted to know more women. So he used the internet. He used us.

But he's no different than anyone else. No different than Steve Jobs, anyway.

Jobs said in Newsweek that he's not worried about the Zune being a threat to the iPod, offering two reasons why. First, of the Zune-to-Zune sharing feature he said, "It takes forever. By the time you've gone through all that, the girl's got up and left! You're much better off to take one of your earbuds out and put it in her ear." (I'll leave that one alone. It's too easy.) Second, of the people that say the iPod is going to become uncool because everyone has one he said, "That's like saying you don't want to kiss your lover's lips because everyone has lips. It doesn't make any sense."

Let's forget about all of this Zune vs. iPod nonsense for a minute. I'm curious when Steve Jobs is going to start a show called "Men's Lounge" about the habits and womanizing talents of the ultra-hip. I picture it looking like Hugh Hefner's old black-and-white Playboy television shows he hosted in his slick city apartment, but with modern jazz musicians like Wynton Marsalis casually playing the trumpet while Jobs struts around in a tux, sipping a martini and offering dating advice, elbowing up to girls named Star and saying, "When Star and I were shopping for a Ferrari in Milano last week, she said the darndest thing…"

I didn't know that the iPod and Zune were all about getting girls. I thought they were about music and networking and efficiency and technological progress. Apparently I'm mistaken. I guess it's all about cuddling up to a girl and making out! It's about wooing women. You hear that girls? You've been warned. It's open season…and we're coming at you with computers and tech gadgets!

I have to say this is all pretty interesting. My whole image of the womanizer has been permanently changed. If you go to Wikipedia and type in "Womanizer" you get a list of "Famous womanizers." You could probably guess some of the names without looking: George Clooney, Frank Sinatra, Mick Jagger, Wilt Chamberlain, Warren Beatty, Derek Jeter. You know, the prototypical masters.

But you won't find Sergey Brin on there, nor Michael Dell. You definitely won't find Bill Gates, and believe it or not, you won't find Mark Cuban, though he'd probably be infuriated and buy a spot on the list.

I used to think Steve Jobs, however, would be on there (or at least as an Honorable Mention). But his quote about "your lover's lips" reminds me of Steve Carell's character in "The 40 Year Old Virgin" when he says, "You know how when you grab a woman's breast…it feels like…a bag of sand?"

Men have always thought of fancy ways to get more dates. But today's tech guys are really taking it to the hoop. Whereas Michael Jordan might say, "Hey baby, look how high I can jump," Chad Hurley might prefer, "I've hatched an elegant solution where you, the user, can upload video files that play at enormous speeds and share these videos with your friends, creating a viral network of…" you get the idea. It's gorgeous wordplay. And the dames flock.

The thing about the Zune is that when I heard about the sharing feature, a lot of images came to mind, one of them being: Sitting in freshman algebra, bored out of my skull, passing music files and notes back and forth with a friend across the room, our Zunes under our desks and out of the teacher's view, killing the excruciating 45 minutes of Thursday afternoon lecture with a great new technology. But apparently that's wrong. I guess my focus is supposed to be on finding girls and impressing them with my playlists.

And Steve, being the marketing wiz that he is, has convinced me the Zune will be worthless because it's not fast enough to keep a girl's attention. He obviously has a lot of experience using tech gadgets to impress women, so he's the guru on this one.

All of this talk about womanizing might make you forget that these tiny pieces of technology are partially targeted to…you won't believe this…seriously, it's amazing…women. Yep, you read that correctly. Women use technology at least as much as men. So what do chicks get out of all this sweaty locker room talk? How do women use these Weapons of Mass Destruction, these Lady Killing Machines? Stay tuned. We're waiting for a tech girl to emerge who has just as many problems meeting guys as Abrams does girls (and Jobs too, though Steve will have you believe his ties to Bono ended his lady troubles forever).

But that's unlikely. Girls are far too busy fending off creeps trying to stick headphones in their ears or stealing their information from social networking sites to care.

Scott Goldberg

[Millennial Modes is made possible by Cdigix.]

Endnote: For the latest in the evolution of dating, check out the website DontDateHimGirl.com –"an online community of powerful women from around the world who choose to exercise their rights to free speech on the Internet by boldly sharing their bad dating experiences with other women." In other words, walk softly, men. You might find yourself the subject of a forum if you aren't careful. That goes for you too, Steve!>BackTrack<

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